The Build Up to Disaster

Anyone who is shocked at the sight of a girl drinking these days would be looked upon as an anachronism. He’s certain to be branded as feudal and male chauvinist. However, those were the days of only one National Channel TV, and cell phones and computers were mostly unheard of. Even the salwar kameez that is ubiquitous was considered blasphemy in the villages and small towns. I hardly ever saw Vani wearing it one herself, though most of the college going girls had begun wearing it. Even today, majority of us have dual standards and would certainly be upset to know that our girls or women drink even as soft liquor as the beer. No wonder even Mohan was dumbstruck at the feat accomplished by Nirupama. He asked her in a raised voice, “Hey! What do you think you did? It wasn’t a soft drink!”

“I know. Nothing will happen to me. I will only feel sleepy. That’s all. Don’t worry,” she replied very casually.

“It seems she is used to drinking arrack!” I said facetiously.

“At least the arrack is controlled by the government. It seems she’s used to drinking illicit liquor,” Mohan said trying to conceal his anguish. Vani was giggling.

Mohan and I began to sip our drinks slowly, but the impact of what Nirupama had done seemed to have been weighing on our minds too, for I finished my peg in three gulps and Mohan finished his in two. However, Mohan didn’t offer any more rum to Nirupama while preparing the second drinks for us.

“Tomorrow we’ll leave as early as possible for Jog Falls. We will have sufficient time to view the falls from both sides of the valley,” Mohan instructed us while trying to light a cigarette, but Vani requested him not to smoke in the room as she would feel suffocated by the smoke.

Nirupama was speaking louder than usual now. Her cheeks were glowing and the eyes had become half shut, as if she was straining to open them wide. Vani looked disinterested in all this and was quietly reading some Mills and Boons type novel in Kannada.

Nirupama who had shed most of her inhibitions now, addressed me, “Harsha, we thought you wouldn’t come with us.”

“Why?”

“You always keep yourself so aloof from others. You are totally different, unlike others. You are intelligent, well-read, brought up in a bigger city and modern.”

“So what?”

“I remember how you disliked our department tour to Badami. The whole day you looked depressed. You hardly talked to anyone. You didn’t even eat anything the whole day. You went on smoking. You didn’t enjoy it, did you?”

It pained me to remember that day. How could I tell her that she was the cause of my resentment that day? After all, she’d chosen Mohan over me. I couldn’t tell her that it was envy that was seething inside me, and continues to do so even to this day.

“Ah, I did enjoy the trip,” I lied knowing fully well that none would believe me, “I have my own ways of enjoying things, you know.”

“Well, I thought you missed your girl friend of your college days,” Mohan said taking a large sip of liquor.

“Did you have a girlfriend?” Vani suddenly entered the conversation.

“All of us had girl friends long before coming to university. What do you think, we have never seen any girls before you?” Mohan replied for me.

I knew that Mohan had been madly in love with a girl when he was in pre-university college. That the affair ended in the girl’s father taking a transfer to a different place was also well known to all his friends. Bhaskar even used to tell how the girl was wailing and sniveling when she’d met Mohan for the last time in all graphic details.

I had had my shares of crushes too. It would sound ridiculous now to tell anybody that I was in love with a girl when I was just eight years old! The immediate to come to my mind was the picture of a dark lean girl, who I used to meet everyday in the bus on the way to undergraduate college. I had to change buses at the City Bus Terminus popularly know as CBT every day and would find Rajashree, who was my classmate majoring English literature, waiting for me, reserving a seat by her side. Whenever she laughed, which she did it all the time when I was with her, the dimples that appeared on her cheeks were so alluring and seductive that I’d fallen flat for her. It was pleasant beyond words to be sitting with her in a jam-packed bus, often those standing by my side shoving me hard against her soft, nimble body. She used to approach me during the college hours too, with a host of doubts and questions as though I was her teacher. All my hopes came crashing down when at the end of the final year, she introduced me to a tall, fair guy who was studying for M.Com and told me in a suggestive manner that he was to be her life partner. All my dreams were shattered to smithereens. But soon thereafter, I came to the university and brushed aside her memories as some forgettable, if not regrettable, infatuation.

When pitted against Mohan, insofar as all other things I was well ahead of him but for having experienced a failure in love. Though I didn’t explicitly lie to friends, I would never counter any insinuations they made or inferences they drew. It was the only way to create an image of myself that was better than that of Mohan. As an after thought, I must add, that I had been disappointed throughout my childhood, as far as my craving for a companion, whose image constantly fleeted in my mind. I had had too many failures, each giving me considerable heart ache and finally impelled me to arrive at a conclusion that there was nobody made for me! 

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts as well as the conversation that the others were having and presently, a waiter entered with dinner for us. Mohan had ordered North Indian dishes and a couple of plates of fried chicken. The girls were vegetarian at home, as per the customs of their caste, but Nirupama was obviously used to eating chicken and she relished it. Vani sat a couple of paces away and avoided looking at chicken. Although I was starving, I couldn’t eat much, for I concentrated on my drinks. Mohan ate very little too, obviously anxious to go to the next part of the evening. Nirupama said with a wink to me, “Eat little Harsha, you have a lot to do!” which I felt was disgusting. Vani blushed and wouldn’t lift her head from her dinner plate.

Surprisingly Mohan had consumed only two pegs, much less than his usual intake. I saw that there was at least two pegs of liquor left in the bottle. The moment the waiter cleared the plates, Mohan stood up and asked Nirupama to leave. When she was gone, he waited at the door beckoning me with a wink, and shook my hands to say  ‘Good Night’ but I felt he had placed something in my palm. When I opened my palms I saw a packet of condoms! I could hear my own heart pounding furiously while I closed the door and bolted it securely.

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New Revelations

It was more than a four-hour journey from Hubli to Sirsi and by the time we landed in a dirty bus station at Sirsi, it was almost five in the evening. It was just like coming out of a reverie for me, waking up to the rude shock of the stink of urine wafting in the air and the cattle wandering freely in the bus station as if it were a cattle shed. I’d enjoyed the journey so much that I wished it had never ended. But others looked tired and eager to get the hell out of bus. I didn’t have any idea as to where we’d be heading thereon. I left all such mundane worries to Mohan and taking out a small comb that I always kept in my pocket and combed my hair that had ruffled due to wind blowing through the window. Nirupama was pushing back tress on her cheek and looked so enchanting that my heart skipped a beat. In the next instance, I felt I was being silly. Yet Mohan’s promise that we would swap partners once we are settled in the lodge kept coming to my mind.

“The lodge is nearby. Let’s walk,” Mohan said moving towards the small gate fitted into the compound wall on one of the sides leading to the road. We followed him silently.

Sirsi was neither a big city nor a small town. It was somewhere in between. It retained some of the characteristics of a malnad village while many concrete buildings had come up on the main streets of the market that were mainly hotels, restaurants, and shops. The old market was still crowded with nondescript sheds, carts and trolleys. People spoke a different version of Kannada, though there were quite a few people who spoke the language of northern plains of Karnataka.

Outside the bus station, a number of passenger vans were lined up with the drivers seated on the driving seat and unnecessarily honking the horns to send the message to the travelers that the van was about to leave, while the assistants were yelling the names of different destinations at the top of their voice. A couple of people sitting in a barber shop were eyeing us with curiosity; even the one whose face had been lathered for shaving, was straining to turn his neck to have a look at us. I hoped that the barber would cut his ear!

Mohan was oblivious to all the stares and was walking towards the hotel. He obviously knew the town, and our destination well. The broader road gave way to a narrow lane descending towards an intersection point, which was visible now, and I came to understand that Sirsi was located on an undulated landscape. Just a few meters before the intersection, on the right side a concrete building of two floors stood amidst nondescript buildings. It was the hotel where Mohan was taking us.

Mohan went to the reception counter while the rest of us stood a few paces apart. There was a short, plump man with a round fair face wearing a white bush shirt at the counter. I couldn’t see his lower half for it was concealed by the counter. Mohan talked to him, wrote something in the register that the latter placed open before him and at last paid some cash. The receptionist who was perhaps the proprietor too, beckoned a room service boy and handed him keys to the rooms. Mohan approached us and pointing to the stairs, said, “We have rooms on the first floor. Come on.”

We climbed the stairs after the room service boy. The hallway leading to the rooms was dimly lighted. The rooms we were shown were opposite each other. While the room boy changed the bed sheets we waited outside. After he was finished, Mohan tipped him handsomely. “Is there anything else you want sir?” he asked with a wide grin. Mohan asked him to come later and looking at us said loudly, “This room is for the girls. We’ll occupy the opposite room,” as if he wanted the room boy to hear it and understand that the boys and girls will be staying in different rooms. However, the room boy must have seen hundreds of lodgers like us, for his grin became wider as though he had caught some thief red-handed, as he turned towards the stairs to climb down.

Meanwhile the girls had gone into the room that he had pointed out to them. I entered the other room with Mohan in my wake. He closed the door behind him and went straight into the bathroom. The room was about ten by twelve feet, sufficiently big. There was a double bed with a clean white sheet. There was a dressing table with a stool, a couple of chairs and a bed lamp. Everything was new, for the hotel itself seemed to have been recently constructed. The bay window opened towards the street but didn’t offer any pleasant view.

Mohan came out of bathroom and said, “I going downstairs to get something. I think you need cigarettes. Meanwhile you may use the bathroom and get fresh.”

I nodded and before I could say anything, he’d gone out. I went into the bathroom, but had to use it hurriedly. It was filled with cigarette smoke since there was no exhaust fan in it. The bathroom had one louvered window and it would take a long time for the smoke to clear.

About fifteen minutes later, Mohan returned, and both the girls too entered the room in his wake. Vani was carrying her bag but Nirupama’s hands were free. I rose from the bed where I was lying and sat on one of the chairs. The girls sat on the bed while Mohan paced up and down towards the door as if he were expecting someone. There was a knock at the door and he rushed to open it. He indeed was waiting for someone, and it was the waiter who had brought a half bottle of Old Monk rum and a couple of bottles of soft drink. They were cluttered with glasses, soda water and chips on the tray. He laid the tray on the teapoy and calmly went out.

“Oh oh! You have already made your arrangements,” said Vani.

“How can they forget it?” asked Nirupama.

“It is only our daily dose. Nothing more,” Mohan replied with a grin and opened the bottle of rum.

I didn’t expect Mohan to get the liquor when the girls were with us, although I wouldn’t have given a hoot about their presence. As the evening was advancing into dark, I was craving for a drink. But that the girls weren’t at all shocked or even surprised bewildered me. Those were the days in the early nineties when the girls were not even sent to college as it was thought to be inviting trouble. But these girls were certainly bolder than girls of metropolitan cities. Modernity must have been only a veneer over my conservative mind, I thought, perhaps I wasn’t as modern and open-minded as the girls were. Mohan poured the rum in two glasses and after mixing soda water, handed one to me.

“What about us?” Nirupama asked him teasingly.

Mohan opened the two bottles of soft drink with an opener and handed one to Vani who said she didn’t like soft drinks. When Nirupama extended her hand to take a bottle, instead of handing it over to her, he kept it back on the teapoy and poured almost two pegs of rum into another glass and filled it with soft drink and he gave her the glass. I was watching all this curiously.

“Does she drink?” I asked Mohan with astonishment.

Before he could reply, Nirupama said, “Cheers!” and emptied the glass in one go!

Shocked out of my wits, I stared at her with mouth agape.

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Out of Bounds

Mohan dropped his cigarette on the ground and stamped on it hurriedly as if he had remembered something of importance suddenly and said, “Harsha, we need to buy something too. Come on.” As I was wont to by now, I followed him without a question. He entered the hosiery section for men and purchased undergarments for both, although I didn’t need one. When I asked him why are we buying them, he replied, “We’ll need them where we are going.”

“Where are we going?” I asked him in a raised voice with alarm. I had thought we would be going straight back to the campus. “Shsh…” he silenced me, and said, “Have you seen Jog Falls? This is the appropriate time to see it. It would be wonderful now.”

He smiled conspiringly, watching the intrigued look on my face. And then added, “This’s the opportunity boy! The girls are coming with us. In fact, it is the other way round.”

“But I don’t have sufficient money,” I protested.

“Did we ever have? By the way, the girls are going to spend it,” he replied.

“But…”

“No ifs and buts pal. I want to bed that Vani. She behaves with me as if I am nothing. We’ll exchange partners once we are settled in the hotel in Sirsi. I want to teach Vani a lesson,” he said with a revengeful tone.

Although I couldn’t understand why Mohan was angry with Vani, I was excited at the prospect of spending time alone with Nirupama.

“Will she agree?” I was asking about Nirupama and my voice had softened almost to a whisper.

Mohan laughed tauntingly, for he’d discovered my secret desire, and quoted a popular idiom in Kannada, “Will anybody ask the chicken before grinding the masala?” Masala is the mixture of spices used in cooking chicken curry.

“How much for this?” he asked the salesperson pointing towards the t-shirt hung behind the counter. I didn’t hear the reply, for I was already deep in my thoughts. The idea of going on a trip with the girls was indeed titillating and it was giving me Goosebumps. However, I was at the same time afraid of undertaking such an adventure. I knew, in the heart of my hearts, that it was wrong. Going with the girls such a long way, staying at the hotel, and then… it was all very wrong; certainly against all the customs of our society. Dating is unknown in India, and India would never adopt it, of which I was sure. My parents would never approve of it; as a matter of fact it would be outrageous as well as sacrilegious to them, even more so to the parents of the girls. If they ever found this out, they would be shocked to death. Am I afraid of going on a date or of being found out? I tried to be analytical in my thinking, but couldn’t go on like that. I wanted to go, but I also didn’t want to go. What I really wanted, I was afraid to admit. Yes, there was some security, for either Vani or Nirupama would not be able to force me into marrying either of them. Why, they must have understood that it was within my knowledge that Nirupama had slept with Mohan and Vani, with Bhaskar during our trip to attend Virupakshappa’s marriage. No, they won’t have courage to ask me to marry, for I would not be the first to sleep with them. God! What rubbish was going through my mind! I cursed myself.

On the other hand, I couldn’t really refuse to go with them. How could I? I had created an image of myself, that of a modern, courageous, rebellious and uninhibited person, who would not care about scruples in matters concerning sex, in order to obtain the appreciation and esteem of my friends. If I were to refuse to go, I had to give Mohan a valid reason, or at least a plausible one. Then I would have to withstand the worst of his disappointment. The other friends are sure to hear about all this and would be disillusioned. Worst, I would be a butt of jokes among friends due to what they would perceive as timidity and cowardice.

“How do you like this colour Harsha?” Mohan asked me loudly and I started, all thoughts fleeting in my mind suddenly vanishing. It was a light blue coloured t-shirt that he held high in his hands.

“Very nice and sober,” I replied.

“This is for you,” he said and hastily added, “Don’t refuse, for you would require it there.” He was referring to Jog Falls.

Presently I saw the girls approaching us. Mohan walked towards them and took Nirupama along with him to the cash counter to pay the bills and Vani kept coming towards me. “Let’s go out,” she said as soon as she was a couple of paces near me. I strode towards the entrance along with her, very conscious of one of the salesperson staring at us.

“So this is your first visit to Saroja’s house. Isn’t it?” She asked as we came to a halt on the pavement to wait for Mohan and Nirupama.

“Yes, and I didn’t know that till you told me in the bus,” I said, somewhat testily, looking at a car that was passing by.

She laughed heartily and said, “And I presume you do not know where we are going now?”

“I didn’t until a while ago.” Before I could add something, Mohan and Nirupama arrived carrying polythene bags. It was almost noon, but the sky was as cloudy as my mind was. Mohan and Vani started discussing something about lunch and I, being aware that Nirupama was looking at me, lit a cigarette.

“It is too early to have lunch. Moreover I am sure none of us is hungry. So let’s first jump into the bus to Sirsi. We can think about it later,” Nirupama joined the discussion understanding that I would rather enjoy my cigarette than have small talk with her.

At the Central Bus Station of Hubli, as soon as we reached the platform from which the buses would leave for Sirsi, luckily we found that a bus was about to leave. Only the last row was vacant. The girls sat between Mohan and me, of course Vani by my side. Then I suddenly realized that I had not even decided to go with them or not. I was just thinking and thinking endlessly, and the decision that Mohan had made had become final. The bus plunged forward with a jerk and Vani, losing her balance, gripped my arm tightly with both her hands, her cheek resting on my shoulder. I said to myself, to hell with everything, I was going!

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